Boundaries and Birthday Cake

So here it is .. random and off topic and yet so perfectly formed together by this crazy thing God is doing in my soul. Boundaries and birthday cake.

Okay, so I know these are two different things, but for me they just collided. Why? Because I have never known healthy boundaries in life nor have I known a healthy stopping point with birthday cake. I'm what some would call a people pleaser. I prefer being referred to as one with a servant heart; however, the former is the most accurate. I know this because I listen to the critics and encouragers alike and change my path to best suit them. Even when I have found my groove, I can be derailed by the opinions of others.  It's a constant change of direction. My intentions are sincere yet I get nowhere. I end up crashed into exhaustion unable to identify the remains of what may be me.

Now comes the birthday cake, and believe me, this is ridiculously silly. I was at a point in my life where my eating and fitness was on point. I felt great about where I was and didn't mind the dietary restrictions I set for myself. Then something happened. People began to talk and suggest things about my character. I read negativity on the internet (gasp...imagine) that further backed up what I was already hearing. The idea that I was over the top and thought I was too good for cake really began wearing on me. The breaking point was when I read something from a fitness professional that suggested that if you won't have cake on your birthday then you have gone too far. Then it was followed by a post that stated something to the idea that someone that strict should be slapped. That isn't even the ridiculous part. My response was. I quietly started to let my guard down with my diet. I began having my birthday cake and everyone else's too.

"Ahhh ... that's better. No one thinks I should be slapped now," I'd whisper to myself. Wrong! People still probably desire to pop my face every now and then because I've unknowingly offended them. I've given too much or too little. I smiled too brightly or looked too focused. So I didn't find the magic formula to please everyone all the time, but I did realize that my desire to "fit in" and to please others left me with a body, mind, and soul that was highly offended. It also left me with a ton of hard work to regain control of my diet and renew my strength. The acceptance of others in such a silly area of life couldn't compare with the awesomeness I felt when I was on point with who I was and what worked for me.

With that, this is what I wish to leave with you: know your boundaries. Do not give someone else the power to identify where you start and stop. Only the One who created you can fully and perfectly reveal that.

And listen, I'm not saying cake is bad. It's just TOO GOOD for me to know when to stop. So if it works for you EAT CAKE. If it doesn't EAT CHOCOLATE!

Grace stops with me, but it doesn't have to. A call to change the focus of our thoughts.

I haven't written in a while simply because I haven't made the time. I have a problem with boundaries. I have a problem with saying yes. I have a problem with perfection. I have a problem with seeing the big picture and expecting it immediately. So maybe that last sentence was too wordy. It should have said, I have a problem with patience. 

Yet with all the wrong I am able to admit, I still find it difficult to show myself grace. Grace stops wth me. I seem to require more of myself than I do of others. I linger in the planning stages of things because I fear executing the plan and getting it wrong, but it's not really failure that I fear. It's rejection. It's feeling inadequate. It's being devalued. 

I work really hard to notice value in others and strive to find the strengths rather than highlighting weaknesses. (Well except for my husband. Don't ask my husband, then this entire thought will be blown.) Yet, when I make a mistake I get that pit in my stomach like everybody is staring and pointing. Now, I realize that isn't actually happening because people have much better things to do with their time, but somehow it feels so real.  The mistake begins to chip away at my value. It's like getting moved to the clearance rack with a "reduced" sticker brightly displayed over my former worth. 

Now although I battle this in my own brain, I'm not a fan of this thinking. I know the truth is that my value is not wrapped up in my performance. I also know that perfection isn't an achievable goal, but excellence is. I also understand that there is positive potential in every situation. Even with this knowledge it never seems to rise to the surface when needed most.

Maybe you are thinking, me too! So how then do we overcome the mindset that we know is incorrect? We change our thinking, or more accurately stated, we change where we focus our thinking. We don't allow the thought to be the reality, but rather allow the reality (the truth of value and potential) to be the thought because what we think, we become. We take control of our minds. We purposefully and intentionally redirect our thoughts to truth. 

It's most definitely a process that will take work and time and may even be painful at moments, especially those moments when self pity, anger, and bitterness feel so comfortable. Still, to succeed we must do the work, create the mental routine, and endure the struggle. If we'll do that, I've heard that it will transform our minds. 

This is from the me that is in the process of changing the focus of my thinking. Maybe if the you reading this is at a similar state you can join me on the journey. Let's focus our thoughts on true value and worth, strive for excellence in all things, and allow the grace we have for others to flow into our own lives. 

Every child has potential. Help us remove the soundtrack of defeat from the next generation.

Here's a revelation for you: 

One stands flawed and broken. Played both victim and offender and found neither offers much esteem to one’s self worth. 

Full of big dreams yet tamed by a mindset that speaks of one’s lack of potential. Living marked as an object that has been discounted. Doing tasks that merely resemble living yet never fully experiencing the freedom and excitement of thriving. 

Maybe this story is familiar to you. Maybe not, but there is one thing that I know. I don't want the next generation to live with the soundtrack of defeat which is why I am so passionate about The Cool Table. A place that believes that every kid has potential and can know victory and purpose. 

If this story was familiar for you, please hear this: You have potential. You have value. You were created for a purpose. 

If you believe that every kid has potential then join us.