Identity Crisis

Whoa wait! Who am I again?

That's the question that often comes to mind when I am in the middle of day to day life. It's in the moments when no big accomplishments seem to be propelling me forward, and I am in the heat of the endurance race of life that I lose sight of my value and forget who I am.

I start striving. I start comparing. I start whining. I start wandering.

It's in this plateau of life that I seem to forget my purpose because growth slows and everything seems to be a grind.

Seriously, I start flailing around life in attempt to keep from drowning in the depths of the mundane.

My inner self begins this narrative: I need to be accomplished. I need to be popular. I need to start something new. Who can I serve? What can I start? When will the next big surge of life come and push me forward?

Then as all my value seeking efforts fail me, I realize that I am indeed in an identity crisis which leads me to the my initial question ‘who am I?’

Seeing that the question can't be filled with the external because it is ever changing sending me through success and failure, busy seasons and slow seasons, times of being surrounded with friends and times of being alone I have to to look to something more.

I have to look to the unchanging. To the Creator of my soul. To the One who tells me I am wonderfully and fearfully made. The One who tells me I am loved and redeemed. The One who tells me He has brought me into underserved grace so that I may share in His glory. The One who knew I wasn't enough but didn't let that stop Him from dying and being enough for me.

What I'm saying is that when I get tossed about on every thought and action leading me seeking my value and my worth, I have to look to Jesus because, for me, who I am rests in who He is in me.

So how about you? Do you go through seasons of life that try you and make you feel unimportant and small?

If so, perhaps focusing on the love the Creator has for you will help you regain your identity and allow you to rest in the slower less extravagant seasons of life.

Reclaim your identity this week and live every moment like it’s big!

When you don't have the answer

Have you ever felt that to acknowledge a problem that you first have to have the answers?

I know I have. When I don't understand, when I can't see the silver lining, when senselessness makes no sense in no way, I often ignore problems,  stay silent, or divert to things I feel like I understand.

The truth is I feel helpless in the face of doubt because I have often felt the pressure of making things right and believing that the world in general is good.

The  more vulnerable I have become,  the more I have realized that the world is full of problems that I don't understand. It is so easy to sweep it under the rug or even play the devil's advocate.

But today I want to say, I don't understand. I don't understand the police shootings and brutality. I have watched the videos, and I don't understand. I don't know what it is like to be in the black community. I don't know what it is like to be a police officer. I don't know what happens in the moments from life to death. I don't know. I am not going to pretend that I know. I don't.

All I know is that lives have been lost, pain and voids have been left for family members to deal with, and our communities are left more broken.

I don't have the answer, but I can surely see there is a problem. People are hurting, and I hurt for them.

I can't fix the problem,  but I will work to find out how to be a solution where I am and how I can.

What about you? Would you be vulernable this week and acknowledge even the things you don't understand and don't have the answers to?



Maybe this is what I am feeling ~ He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it. - MLK JR (thanks to my sister Maria Morris for sharing this)

What's stopping you from accomplishing something great?

Have you ever desired to doing something so great that it scares you? Like you don't even want to speak it because surely someone will tell you that it'll never happen, it's impossible, or that you're plain crazy. Even still, you honestly have doubts about it yourself?

No? Good, me either. I totally like to set my eyes on the easily achievable tasks while playing the background in my own life. 

So maybe that's no entirely true; however it is what I revert to. Because even though I do have big dreams, sometimes I'm just scared. I'm afraid that no one will join me or find value in what I'm doing. I'm afraid that it just won't matter, or I just won't be good enough to achieve all that is in my heart to accomplish. 

I have even allowed those fears and insecurities to let me act small, settle for less, and to hide my abilities in places of comfort and complacency.  The only problem is that the approach hasn't worked. After every adjustment I make to try and be less than who I was created to be, I find that my true heart's desires are still there challenging me to be more and live on purpose.  Unfortunately, I haven't lived up to the challenge on many occasions.

How about you? Is there something that you are so purposed for yet you settle short of it?
  

I wonder, what is really stopping us? Sure there are valid life responsibilities, and we need not bail on those. I just wonder what keeps us from intentionally stepping closer to that thing that we've been reaching for in our hearts only not allowing our mouths to speak of its reality. 

Perhaps it's fear, insecurities, lack of focus, doubt or a combination of all of those and more. Or maybe it could be that we haven't seriously admitted our BIG dream(s) exists.

That's what I found. I had lied to myself to the point I believed that if in my entire life I only helped make the world better for one person, I'd be satisfied. You know what? That was a sugar coated feel good lie seasoned with false humility.

It was dishonoring to God because He created me for more, and it was disrespectful to myself because I sold myself short. 

The truth is that I want to be a catalyst for world change not just one person change. Just admitting that adds possibilities that I never saw before. Of course, there are still fears and insecurities that pelt my mind and soul with doubt and condemnation. Being honest about my true desire hasn't been some magical elixir that set the world right. It has, however, forced me to own my heart's desire which means I am now responsible for it.

That in itself has been a huge for me. It has pushed me to step forward in the discomfort and fear and doubt. It has called me to continue even when I think it isn't making a difference. It has significantly defined the decisions I make and the attitudes I embrace which have set me up for incremental progress that over time adds up to much larger gains. It has added life to what was once lying buried in my heart and soul. 

What about you?  Do you have BIG dream just lying in your heart? If so, why not take responsibility for the dream and give life to it by just admitting that it exist. That one simple step could set you on your path to fulfilling your purpose. 

No more living small when we know that we desire to be more. It's time to own those BIG dreams and fulfill our life's purpose.

Here's to the adventure ahead!