Friendship Ladder

Have you ever meet that person who will tell anyone the details of their life story trying to either make instant friends or run off the ones that would later hurt them? I am that person ... well a recovering form of that person.

I have always felt that if I do not empty every crevasse of my life and thoughts then I am being dishonest which is totally unacceptable to me. Give me a break! The heart was in the right place. It just lacked wisdom.

Recovery from unhealthy relationships has been a process, but there was a point where it started to go into overdrive and finally rooted deep into my understanding which is what I'd like to share with you.

While doing a study, I stumbled across the idea of intimacy in friendship.  And yes, although it was intentionally placed there by the writer, I still stumbled. This whole concept blindsided me yet brought so much understanding.

Here are just a few of the lines that grabbed me:

"Be careful with instant intimacy!"  "Revelation is God's way not exhibition."  "Authenticity with all, Transparency with most, Intimacy with some"

Can you image the weight of these words on a person who had sought instant friendship? It was like a slap in the face and a kiss on the cheek all at once. I hated the words because they stung, but as soon as the sting wore off, it was like a sweet healing! There was hope. I had just been following the wrong protocol.

Then the point was driven home with this wonderful illustration:

The lesson: Picture two people carrying the "relationship" up a ladder. In order for the relationship to stay balanced and not topple each person has to climb the ladder in sync in regards to both height and speed. The relationship can only go as far and fast as one is willing to progress. In conclusion, the truth was stated that some relationships are indeed only first and second step friendships. 

This teaching may be basic knowledge for you, but somewhere along the way I missed the lesson. I thought it was top rung or nothing.  I am sure I have raced to the top of the ladder and left people dangling for their life. Maybe I should climb back down the ladder and rescue them, but that discussion is for a later time.

If you needed this lesson, I pray that it would sink deeply into your spirit and bring freedom. That you would find time to slow down and take steps to build real friendships. That you would know that everyone does not get an all access pass and it's okay.  Above all don't be afraid of revelation. It really is a beautiful process.

An Angel Tree Gift

I recently volunteered to help with some administrative tasks with a community Angel Tree. One responsibility assigned to me was to call a couple families and get the children's wish list. I wasn't sure what to expect.

I made a call, and the father answered. I briefly told him why I was calling. His voice was filled with a mix of embarrassment and humility as he answered my questions about the children in the home and their "wish list".  I probed for specific desires in regards to brands, styles, and the most wanted toys. His response "No, no, really this is enough."

I was left with a list of basic things. There was not one fashion label, electronic, or sought after toy.

After the call ended I tried to explain the conversation to my husband, but rather I just burst into tears. Past the typical clothing, I couldn't utter the first "wish" on the list. A mere soccer ball. Each time I tried to say it I cried. I cried a hopeful cry.

I am not sure what the phone call meant to this father or what he received, but he gave me a gift of joy. Something so sweet burst forth because this father knew his children. He was able to tell me about each one and what activities were enjoyed outside of school. Just listening to him was beautiful because what I noticed was that each activity he mentioned required family interaction, imagination, sharing of talent, and the preparation for a brighter future.

I called in efforts to give, but instead I received. My joy was renewed as I witnessed the strength of this family through a relationship with their father.

Where have you found unexpected renewal of joy lately?

Are We Skipping Thanksgiving?

If you have been on any form of social media or followed any news lately, you have heard this question: "Are we skipping Thanksgiving?"

There are two distinct crowds. The Christmas Crusaders and the Thanksgiving Faithful.


The Crusaders have lit the tree, decorated the house, downloaded the carols, and prepared the gift list.

Then there are the Faithful. They've bought the turkey, dusted off old recipes, started the casseroles, added more harvest decor, and vowed not to sing a carol, light a tree, or check the shopping ads until the turkey has settled and the thanks has been given.

Personally, I have struggled with all the banter. Traditionally, I have made a big deal of the recognized holidays in the manner that is most commonly accepted. As I get older, I find myself on a new path. A path less about living for special moments and more about finding something special in every moment. I more readily reject the pressure to perform as once expected. I prefer to give gifts to friends and strangers throughout the year rather than having to give on a specified date. When it comes to giving thanks, I desire to make it my lifestyle rather than just a moment within the year. This isn't to say that I will not or do not participate in the holidays. I am just more aware of "why" I celebrate rather than "how" I celebrate. It is a process of discovery. A process that currently has fall decorations garnishing my entryway table and a Christmas tree lit by the fireplace.  The mismatched decor is an unintentional result of my efforts to enjoy more free time this season. Looking at it today I no longer see a unmatched mess, but rather a thing of unity. One group of decor represents a season of thankfulness and the other a season of hope. It speaks to me and says "You can give thanks because you have received the hope of Christ."

So with that revelation, the day, the season, the decorations, and the calendar matter little because the magnitude of thanks and hope that should be celebrated transcends time.

Here's to hoping that we never skip another time of thanks giving regardless of the season.