The more I have talked with people, the more I have realized that it is common. It's an unrest that lay deep in the soul and then acts out in the flesh. It's a striving that only leads to emptiness. The marker which identities "enough" is illusive, an ever changing finish line held captive by whomever or whatever we deem better than who we are or what we have. About the time it is in sight, its position changes sending its racer on yet another chase only to fall short once again. Pure exhaustion is what becomes of this madness, and it's an exhaustion I've known all too well.
Caught up in the cycle of madness just described, I decided it was time for a power move. I knew just the one. I would march right to God and have a pity party in my honor, and that's just what I did. I expected to be soothed, understood, and in all honesty, even vindicated. Instead as I poured my heart out stating how hard I had been trying to "be enough" and how rejected and exhausted I was, I received the most awful understanding I could have ever imagined. It was so clear. I realized that I indeed was NOT ENOUGH. If I were enough, I wouldn't need a Savior, and I surely wouldn't be so broken and weary. Although this should've shattered my world, it didn't. The peace and refreshing that came in that moment was tremendous. It meant that I could lay down all the striving and stop chasing the illusive finish line. This was actually wonderful news, but it wasn't long before my mind started wandering.
The thoughts that followed went something like this -
WAIT! If I am not enough, then how will I ever be accepted? Acceptance is what this is really about. This is horrible! Let's get back to the pity party because I'm doomed.
And then God answered -
You were never called to "BE ENOUGH". You were called to "BE LOVED". So practice being loved and you'll find that it fills every desire you were trying to accomplish in your striving and allows you to love others. You find acceptance and power and can then be filled with everything that I have for you.
Perhaps you are like me and need to lay down the desire of being enough and just practice the art of being loved. Here is my prayer for you: